Day 43: The Art of Losing Myself

It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me.

The blue ribbon on my wrist has become my visible reminder of that phrase. Isn't it difficult to let go of the stubbornness and meanness that can fester within? It is for me. I want it my way...right now...and henceforth! God, however, sends reminders every day that in losing myself in Him I find peace and purpose.

Today a coworker posted pictures of her kids (one in high school and one in college) on facebook. I sent her a message telling her how happy her kids looked and how I admire her because she always seems so full of joy. I meant that with such sincerity. I don't know this woman very well, but she always has a smile on her face and seems to be enjoying life. I aspire to be that way--for others to think of me as a joyful person! She replied and told me that I made her day. She told me a little bit about the story behind the picture and told me that things are not always how they look. "I really wonder if we did ok w/the kids or if we screwed them up. It is very hard to raise kids. Do your very best from your heart and that is all you can do."

Later in the day I visited with another coworker to ask if she would recommend me for the job for which I had just applied. Just before I left her office she told me that yesterday was the first time she ever thought her marriage was really going to end. I sat there listening to her as she told me what a horrible weekend it was for her and how she wondered how I could be so strong with all that I've been through. First, I told her that it is only through my faith in God that I have been able to carry on. I also told her that I had just finished reading a book that I would like for her to read: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. As I talked with her about marriage and commitment and letting go of our own selfish ways, I thought how awesome it was that I could give to her something from my pain and struggles--something I've learned. When we finished talking she said, "Wow. How much do I owe you for this session?" Funny thing is that it was just as much of a counseling session for me as it was for her! She has been a tremendous influence on my professional life, and I consider her a mentor. I was so glad to give back...to make a small difference in her day. I only wish I had prayed with her.

"The art of losing myself" were words that spoke to me from a song this weekend. I hope to master that art. I hope for more days like today when I can forget myself and just be a blessing to others.

I'll include a favorite poem of mine here by Elizabeth Bishop:

One Art

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.