Day 8: Letting Go of Anger

On my desk at work I have a book called Positive Thinking Every Day, which contains daily excerpts from nine of Norman Vincent Peale's books. Today's entry:

"Instead of trying to destroy all your anger, snip away by prayer each annoyance that feeds your anger. In so doing you will weaken it to such a point, that presently you will have control over it."

I am focusing today on praying my frustrations away.

Day 7: There's that stewardship thing again!

Today I read in Believing God, and Beth spoke about stewardship...isn't that what I read about yesterday in Purpose Driven Life?! Naturally, this is making me think even harder about what I am doing with what God has given me.

This morning's sermon topic was "Relationships with People". There were four points:

• What relationship needs to be initiated?
• What relationship needs to be nurtured?
• What relationship needs to be restored?
• What relationship needs to be severed?

Pastor Scott referenced John 13:34-35:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

I have really been taking a hard look at the attitude and heart I have toward James. As much as I have wanted to release my anger and bitterness, I have not fully done that. I know that I am to be as much a disciple to him as to anyone else. Probably even more so toward him since he is the father of my precious boys. I don't have to like him, but I am supposed to love him and treat him as Christ would...forgiving him.

Pastor Scott said, "God is love, and you can't love God if you don't love people."

This is going to be a tough one, but I am committing myself to kindness toward James. If he says or does something I don't like, I will hold my tongue until I can speak with kindness and then I will communicate to him why I disagree. I'm hoping that the "fake it 'til you make it" rule will apply here! By making a conscious effort to treat him with kindness, maybe I will eventually get to a point where I actually do feel kindness toward him instead of bitterness and contempt.

I had the biggest WOW moment with the kids yesterday. We had just gotten in the car to run some errands and the bickering and biting words began. So I said, "Okay...here's what we're going to do today. Before any of you open your mouths to speak, ask yourself, 'Is what I'm going to say going to be helpful?' If it will not be, then don't say it. God tells us to use kind words when we speak. He says we should use our words to build each other up and encourage each other."

I could not have told you what book of the Bible that came from, let alone what chapter and verse, and I felt good that I was able to remember something from the Bible and relate it to a situation so that the kids could learn from it. I've always struggled with memorize scripture...or anything else, for that matter.  I am much more of a conceptual learner.

Less than 10 minutes later as I turned the radio up (KLOVE), the deejay wrapped up the song that was playing by saying, "...that song was from Building 429. The group got their name from Ephesians 4:29, which says, 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.'"

The kids' jaws dropped. "That is SO WEIRD! You just said that, Mom! That's exactly what you just said!"

I just smiled to myself and said, "Yep. See...God's trying to tell you something."

I sure love it when He makes things crystal clear like that!

Day 6: My stewardship of His gifts

Notes from my Purpose Driven Life reading for today.

Perspective - what is your life metaphor? Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

*Note: Several months ago (maybe in June/July) this scripture came to me as an Encouraging Word email from KLOVE. It really spoke to me more than the daily emails generally do, so I printed it and put it at my desk. I've thought of taking it down a time or two, but each time decided to leave it up. I don't read it every day, but each time I look at it, it reminds me to ask for renewal and to turn from the ways the world says I should act.

Life is a test.

Life is a trust.

Life is a temporary assignment.

Test

There are tests in life to help develop your character. God watches how we respond to trials.

Trust

We are stewards of the gifts God gives us. God is the owner of everything.

*Note: In Luke Walters' sermon Wednesday, he talked about how we are to be managers, or stewards, of God's goodness. He referenced 1 Corinthians 4:2, which says, "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."

Psalm 24:1 says, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it."

We are entrusted with His creation.

1 Corinthians 4:7 says, "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

Personal thoughts:

I generally think of my life as a journey. Have I been a good steward of what He has given me? Not really. I am starting to recognize not just my gifts, but my spiritual gifts. I must show Him my faithfulness by caring for the gifts He blesses me with.

Day 3: Faith

The sermon at church last night was titled, "The Power of Faithfulness". The guest pastor, Luke Walters, talked about how faithfulness is born out of the power of the resurrection of Jesus. I jotted down scripture references just as quickly as I could as he blew through the message. I wanted to go back and read them when I had more time.

I came home and got the kids tucked in for the night and began my daily reading in Purpose Driven Life and Believing God. As I read chapter 3 in PDL, the one thing that stood out to me was the reference to 1 John 4:16b: "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him." I've come to realize in the last couple of days that to know God's purpose for me, I must first know God. On the first day of this journey Ephesians 5:2 stood out: "...live a life of love..." On Day 2, PDL referenced 1 John 4:8: "God is love." And now I'm reading this again. Ok...I usually have to hear things a time or two before they stick. I think this is definitely starting to stick! Who is God? God is love. I must live in love to live in God and have Him live in me!

I moved on to Beth Moore...chapter 2 was all about faith/belief. Coincidence? I don't think so! Hebrews 11:6 says, "...without faith it is impossible to please God." Believing God....faith...what's the difference?, I wondered. I liked that Beth broke this down. Pistis is a Greek word that means assurance, belief, believe, faith, and fidelity. All are translated from some form of this word with only a few exceptions. Good...so now I know that they basically mean the same thing.

Then she took it a step further and threw in Ephesians 1:13: "And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit." She also referenced Ephesians 1:18-20 again, really focusing on the part that says, "in order that you may know...his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead." Wow! That's just what Luke had talked about in his sermon earlier in the evening. Seeing the verse in print just brought it all together for me. Beth writes:

Nothing on earth compares to the strength God is willing to interject into lives caught in the act of believing. Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul likens it to the stunning power God exerted when He raised His Son from the dead!...Can you think of any need you might have that would require more strength than God exercised to raise the dead?

"Having believed" is the past tense view of faithfulness (the point of salvation for us), whereas "believing" is the present active participle of faithfulness. This means presently, actively, continually believing in God. What a difference it is between accepting Christ as my personal Savior, and living a life of continual faithfulness for Him! A faithful life will mean the pleasure of God and a power beyond compare.

Day 2: Believing God

So I'm currently reading two books: The Purpose Driven Life and Believing God. I had started both at one time but never finished them. In the first chapter of Believing God, Beth Moore quoted Ephesians 1:18...think God is trying to tell me something? I have been spending much time in prayer and in His Word during the last two days and have received encouragement from those I've asked to be "prayer warriors" for me during this time.

One thing that really stuck out last night as I was reading Romans was chapter 4, verse 3, which references Genesis 15:6: "Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness." I don't know much about any complex theology relating to that verse, but I like the simplicity of the first part of it: "Abram believed the Lord." That's all he had to do, and he just knew it. As I've been reading Beth Moore's book, I realize that I have faith and I want to believe God, but have I really been doing that?

My efforts to control situations instead of asking God to handle them are a good indication that I really haven't believed that He will take care of all things in my life. Every single area. It doesn't mean that I will have it easy or that I won't have to do any work, but He has promised to take care of me. If I experience anger or hurt or disappointment, I have to trust that I am going through those situations for a reason. He is building me, conditioning me, for what's to come.

On my morning commute today I missed my normal exit because there was a car to my right and I just couldn't get over without cutting the driver off. I chose to be patient and just take the next exit. Because I did that, I saw the most glorious sunrise! It was a powerfully beautiful example of His creative genius! I would have missed it had I not been willing to wait.

Everything in His perfect timing.

Day 1: I'm a Control Freak

Late last night I had what my mom would call a good case of the “Can’t-Help-Its”! Even after committing the next 100 days to hearing God’s message to me, I was “in a funk” and didn’t know why. I was restless, irritable, agitated…just depressed about different areas of my life—work, finances, relationships.

I’m a person who generally likes change, even advocates it, but I’m a little weary of this perpetual state of temporariness that I’ve been in for quite some time. Nothing feels permanent or settled—like it’s where I need to be. For a planner and organizer, this is difficult. I want to fit everything into a perfect little box or chart. I want to map out a “plan” and follow it step by step, but things just aren’t happening that way. I want to analyze myself, my desires, my goals and have everything just fall into place. I want to be IN CONTROL.

And that’s part of what this is all about, I think. Control. I’ve got to let go and let God. After feeling so despondent last night (which was nothing more than Satan trying to discourage my efforts to draw near to God) I felt drawn to read Ephesians. The introduction in my Quest Study Bible said this:

The greatest adventure in life is not an exotic safari, a booming business success, or a love relationship with that perfect someone. Rather, it’s discovering the purpose for our lives. This letter answers the question men and women have asked throughout all time: “Why am I here?” The answer may startle you, considering the standard talk-show ideas of our age. It has to do with eternity, making peace with God, and understanding the believer’s new identity in Christ. Interested? Read on. The adventure is only beginning.

I'm ready for the adventure. I'm ready to know Him, to give Him control.

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you."
Ephesians 1:17-18

A 100 Day Commitment

This morning I told God that I was ready. Ready to hear the message that He has in store for me. I've been feeling the pull for quite a few months now but made excuses. I'm too busy. I'm not ready. I'm still trying to put my life back together. I just need to figure myself out first before I seek His purpose for my life. I need to know what I'm good at and where my personality might fit in serving Him. Wrong. How can I ever know myself without first asking Him?

I am who God says that I am.

I have been so wrapped up in my own wants and needs. How can I have a better career? How can I get a better-paying job? Why should I have to give up my kids three days a week because my ex-husband didn't want to commit to me?

It is not about me.

I commit myself today to God, to His purpose. I ask Him to speak to me, to guide me, to show me where He wants me in every area of my life. I commit to being in His Word each day so that He might reveal His purpose to me.

By Him. For Him.