Chasing The Dream

When I first heard Sue Miley's story about 4 years ago, I thought, "There's no way that could ever be me." You can learn a little about her story at her site, www.crossroadcounselor.com, but she was a top executive at a corporation...very successful. She had it all....or so it seemed. She may have been a success at her job, but she was failing horribly with her family, spiritual, and personal life.

Quite frankly, I thought that couldn't be me because I'm just not that into work. I do my job well, rarely work overtime, and put it second when one of my kids are sick. What I have found lately, however, is that I have been obsessing about my job. I like being in charge and calling the shots, and I like being able to pay my bills without worrying about pinching every penny. For the last couple of years I have been chasing dreams of a job with better pay and more responsibilities. At first I told myself that it was because of the money. Single mom + moderate salary = financial struggles. If I could only get a little bit more then everything would be fine.

So I began chasing positions that I knew I could do well (who really cared if I thought I'd enjoy doing them?!) and would pay more money. At one point I had interviewed for a high-paying position working for a world-renowned computer scientist and physicist. He had expressed a strong desire to bring me onto his staff to manage a large project. It was in the bag...or so it seemed. I had prayed about it because I knew that if it was offered to me I couldn't turn it down. It would have been a 20K raise! I was also very apprehensive about the position. I knew it would be very demanding and stressful. I pushed that part of my reasoning to the back of my mind because I'm superwoman...I can do anything, right? In the end, I asked God to work it out because in my head I knew I should take the job, but in my heart I knew I shouldn't. And He worked it out. At the last minute, an internal researcher applied for the position and was obviously a better choice since she had more first-hand experience with the project. While I was still worried about money, I was also relieved that I wouldn't be performing a job with that much stress.  I was torn, however, because my ego had certainly received quite a blow. I am good at what I do...why didn't I get that job?!!!

Next I applied for a management position with another division of the University. Several people recommended me for the position, and it also would have been a substantial salary increase. I didn't even get so much as an email.

Most recently I applied for a management position with the Human Resources department in their Training and Development division. I thought that surely this must be what I've been waiting for. I love developing people professionally and offering direction. Again, I had a couple of people informally recommend me for the position, and again there was nada. No phone call, no email, no nothing!

I have been strongly doubting my skills, and my work has been slipping lately because of my low morale. What is wrong with me? Why am I not hireable? I just want a job that I can be happy doing. Hence, my obsession. I am obsessed with finding where I am meant to be, and in the process I have become this stressed-out, unhappy person to be around from time to time.

Let go. Let God. Let go. Let God. I feel like I have taken some steps backward lately, and in my quest to "have it all" I have pushed God to the back. How could I have done this? It is time to trust Him again. It is time to trust His Plan...not my own. It is time to trust His Timing and just sit back and let Him show me the way. Even though I have said over and over and over that I am going to let Him be in control, I have always felt like I should be helping Him somehow. I should be networking or taking classes or something that will prepare me for what He has in store for me. I am realizing how incredibly silly this is because how can I prepare for His Plan when I can't possibly even know His Plan? God does not need my help...He is fully capable of handling this without the all-knowing, skillful, ever-so-competent me. To put it bluntly, I need to just butt out and let the Great Orchestrator do what He does best.

That's not to say that I don't need to be ready when He presents me with an opportunity. I definitely should be preparing myself by praying for wisdom, humility, kindness, discernment...all the things needed to do whatever He asks me to do. Maybe I should start by focusing on Colossians 3:12.

"God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So you should always clothe yourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Bear with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. 14 Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful."

There was something that spoke to me in the article that I ran across yesterday on Sue's web site. She said:

I had to make a conscious change in the way I viewed the world and lived in the world. It started with Christ. I needed to stop looking to this world for success because the world doesn’t care about me. Jesus promised to always be with me. And then He went to work in my life. Reading His word, praying and following his guidance I developed a plan to transition my life.

It is time for me to get serious. Not serious about my job, or my finances, or my church, or my relationships. I have to get serious about letting go and letting God. It is time to stop chasing the things of this world and to start chasing The Dream.

Thank you, Sue, for letting God use you.